Is there an app to act as a plain pair of dice?
All you have to do is to tell Siri to "roll 2 dice". The result will be spoken.
I would recommend Talking Dice. The app is free, but contains ads. Turn wiFi Off or Airplane Mode On to avoid ads. There are a few languages you can select in the app, then all you have to do is turn off VoiceOver and tap the screen. Tap once to roll, the dice will continue rolling until you tap the screen again to make the app say the number.
If I remember right, that app only rolls one die. Plus you have to do all the other stuff you mentioned. Usind Siri, all you have to do is press the home button from within any app, say "Roll two dice." and let go of the home button. No cost, no adds, no fuss no muss. Plain and simple. What can be better than that? You can also say something like, "Roll a 20 sided dice." for dice rolling games that require one, or evn a 100 sided dice. Yes, there actually is such a thing in gaming.
Yeah I know :( just a suggesttion